Road Not Taken
by Nalanzu
Summary: Deathfic: What if Lina had decided that the world was too high a price to pay for Hellmaster's death? Warning: It sucks...


_I'm dying. _

_Before I continue, I should let you know my name. At least you'll know whose words you are reading. _

_I am – I was – Lina Inverse. Yes, _that_ Lina Inverse. Once known as the Bandit Killer, beautiful and ingenious sorceress. That was a lifetime ago. _

_If you've gotten this far, you probably want to know why I'm here, why I spent the last years of my life here, why I – to the outside world – suddenly vanished without a trace. I will tell you. Before I continue, I ask a favor. Send a message to the city of Seyruun, if Prince Phil is still alive, and I have no reason to doubt that he is, and tell him what happened to his daughter, Amelia. _

_What the world and all of its safe, happy inhabitants wrapped in their sheltering cocoons of blissful ignorance did not know is how many times it came within a fingernail's width of destruction. I prevented it. Not singlehandedly, of course. With me were Amelia, that princess of Seyruun; Zelgadis, chimera looking for his human form; Sylphiel, a healer; and Gourry. I miss them all so much. _

_The last time I fought with the fate of the planet hanging in the balance was against a Mazoku of the highest level, one of the five servants of the Dark Lord Shabranigdo, whom I sealed away in the north. His name was Phibrizzo. Hellmaster Phibrizzo. Hellmaster was consumed by his desire for destruction, and wanted to take this world with him into oblivion. _

_He thought he could do it if I cast a spell that called on the mother of all chaos, the Lord of Nightmares, and lost control of it. The spell I speak of, the Giga Slave, is one that I saw spin out of control once in a vision. It was terrifying. The sight of that much chaotic energy unleashed defies description. Had I cast and then lost the Giga Slave, Phibrizzo would have gotten his wish, and this entire world would have been subsumed by nothingness. _

_Hellmaster lured me into his false city, pulled me into his temple, threatened the lives of my companions. My life was never in danger, though, because he needed me alive. He killed the bodies of my friends, and those who had been unfortunate enough to get caught up in the debacle. Gourry he already had. He had kidnapped him first, using my protector as bait. It worked, of course. There was no way I could just leave Gourry in the clutches of that demonic Mazoku. One by one, he stole the life from Amelia, Zelgadis, Sylphiel, Martina, the swordsman Zangulus… He locked their life essence in crystal, promising me that if it broke, they would die forever. If I could just defeat him by casting the Giga Slave, they would be freed. He looked at me, and then back at Gourry. "You won't understand unless I kill someone. I'll start… with _him_!" Fine lines and cracks distorted the surface of Gourry's prison, and the world stopped. If I wanted to save Gourry, I had to use the Giga Slave. But if I did, then the entire planet would be endangered. I looked from Hellmaster to the faces of those beyond him, my friends, my…beloved. And the only way to save them was to endanger the world. _

_I couldn't do it. _

_I couldn't cast the Giga Slave. _

_Hellmaster was disappointed; Gourry shattered into millions of tiny shards, and I could all but feel the life draining away. "You really are stubborn." The child's face twisted into an expression no child should ever have. "I'll have to kill another one, then." _

_He killed them, one by one, and all I could do was watch. By the time he got to Zangulus – the last of his victims – I had to release some of the rage and pain at my helplessness in the face of this utter and total defilement of everything. I cast a spell – and I shall not repeat it – and called forth the Ragna Blade. Hellmaster became enraged. _

_These words…they aren't enough to tell you, to show you, what happened that day. My life, my heart, my soul splintered along with my friends. The light of the dead shone around me, and Hellmaster's penetrating laughter permeated the air. I died that day in Sairaag. But at least I took him with me. _

_The Ragna Blade is strong enough to cut through anything. It can penetrate through the dimensional walls that Hellmaster took such pleasure in hiding behind. I wounded him deeply with it, although I nearly wasn't fast enough to catch him. I shouldn't have been fast enough. Perhaps that was part of what drained … But I only realized that later. In the end, I was not the one to deliver the final blow. The blows I struck stole most of his power, and Sairaag disappeared again. I thought he was dead. It didn't really matter. I let the Ragna Blade vanish, and most of my energy vanished with it. The Ragna Blade is nearly impossible to control. To hold it in existence, mingling the magics of Kami and Mazoku, is consuming. _

_I woke up, hours, perhaps days later, amidst the wreckage. Hellmaster was gone. So was everyone else, and I was alone. _

_It took me far too long to drag myself to the nearest town, and longer still to recover. It was then that I discovered that my power had been wrenched away from me. I had time to consider and analyze this particular consequence of my actions quite thoroughly, and I finally came to the conclusion that the strain of controlling the Ragna Blade as long as I did, coupled with the use of sheer raw power to move quickly enough to keep up with Hellmaster Phibrizzo, was too much for that part of myself that channels magic. It was the end of my days as a sorceress. _

_I wondered not too long ago if things would have turned out differently if I'd still had my magic. Losing it on top of everything else was a shock I couldn't handle. It's only been recently that I've even been able to clearly express the events taking place on that day of hell. Dying has its advantages, I suppose. _

_When I was strong enough to leave the town, the only thing I knew was guilt. It was my fault that Gourry and the others died. It was my fault. I should have found a way to stop Hellmaster. I should have stopped him from taking Gourry in the first place. I should have… the list goes on and on. Even now, the litany runs through my mind. What would have happened if I'd done as Hellmaster wanted and cast the Giga Slave? There was a chance that I would have been able to control it. But the risk… the risk was simply too great. _

_As I said before, I didn't actually manage to kill Hellmaster. He was severely wounded, crippled, and all but totally incapacitated. It was at that point that the rest of the Mazoku decided that he had become a liability, and was interfering with their plans of world pain and suffering. If he had managed to carry out his plan, this world would have died too quickly, and they would not have been able to savor the suffering of humanity. That's what they live for, the Mazoku. Suffering. But you know that. _

_The other servants of Shabranigdo hunted down the rest of Gaav's servants and those under Phibrizzo. Ah, yes, Gaav. Did you know about Gaav? He was also one of the five under Shabranigdo, once, during the War of the Mazoku's Fall. He betrayed the Mazoku, and was born into a human body, over and over. He tried to topple the dominion the Mazoku hold, and Hellmaster killed him for it. He was the reason we came up against Hellmaster in the first place; we were used as pawns to thwart his plans, and then Hellmaster turned on us, his unwitting lackeys. _

_The cleansing of the Mazoku was bloody, painfilled, rife with torture and degradation. None were spared. When it was over, the balance of power shifted considerably. I don't know anything about it now; how it stands. I only knew how it fell, and that because of another traveling companion. _

_Xellos, directly under Hellmaster in the Mazoku hierarchy, was also hunted down. He was wounded, weak from his encounter with Gaav. I know the tortures and degradations practiced by the Mazoku during the cleansing, because they were visited on him. He ran, to me, with the last of his strength, told me of what was happening. He asked for my help before he saw that I was no longer capable of giving it. He was the only one who left me with a body to bury. The only reason he held on as long as he did was my pain, my grief. It gave him the strength to tell me what had happened. He thanked me, before he died in my arms. I planted his staff at the head of his grave, as the only monument. _

_It has grown since, more rapidly than any natural plant should, into a flowering tree. The blooms are deep violet. Beautiful… _

_It wasn't long after Xellos died that I learned the second effect that the Ragna Blade had on me. It had leached out my magic, but more than that, the chaotic energy inside it leached out my life itself. I am slowly dying, the aftereffects of that spell taking its toll on my body. I don't think anything would help, not even if Sylphiel with all her skill at healing were still alive. It's ironic, really, that the decision I made that killed my friends is killing me. Perhaps Amelia would say that justice is being served. No, I like to think that she understands why I let her and the others die. Perhaps they'll be able to mete out some measure of forgiveness. It's more than I can do for myself. _

_So there it is. The horizon is lightening as I write these last words. So familiar, the silhouette of the jagged peaks across the sky. These mountains are isolated, as isolated as I could find. There wasn't any way I could face anyone ever again, not without knowing that they were the cause of the death of my friends. I put the world ahead of my personal feelings, and I can't stand to face the consequences. Perhaps you can understand now, why it is that I stayed here, alone. _

_Or if not, it doesn't matter. When I die – and that will be very soon now – I will be able to see them again. Amelia. Zelgadis. Sylphiel. Even Martina, Zangulus. And Gourry. Please… wait for me… _

The tall violet-haired figure closes the leatherbound book, an expression of sadness hushing over her face. The violet petals drift downward, blanketing the grass around her feet. The wood of the tree has wrapped itself gently around the form of a woman, holding her firmly, almost protecting her. She is beyond protection. The red-haired figure lays the book down in the hands of the wooden figure. 

"Rest in peace… my sister." 


End file.
